Do I really need to go on? Really?
I am eight months post partum. I am nursing. I am not one of those fabulously lucky women who nurse their babies and drop to 5 pounds below pre-preggo weight. Nope. I'm one of the busty gals whose body freaks out when it realizes it's still growing another person and packs on an extra 20 pounds for good luck. So I'm lumpy all over.
I spent 2 hours today at Kohls trying on every single swimming suit I could find. I tried on the tankinis. I tried on the wrap around skirts. I tried on the one-piecers. I tried on the separates that you have to hunt down to find the right sizes for top and bottom. I looked in juniors. I looked in misses. I looked in plus sizes. I looked everywhere.
I will not describe to you what I saw. It's not a visual you should take to your grave... and I already will be taking it to mine. It was depressing. Cottage cheese looks slimmer than my backside. Jello is firmer than my bust.
A note to manufacturers: Come on, people! I have had four children! I don't need a housecoat, but I do need something that passes for swimwear. Those four children who have shared my insides want to swim free, darnit! I live in the desert - swimming is what we do.
So begins another week in which I will fret and wonder how I will cover myself decently, so as not to drive my children and their friends to therapy before their time. With any luck, I will find my pot of gold over the rainbow... then again, I'd just settle for a decent tankini in a nice, neutral color.