Here's the Scoop

Or should I say, Here's the POOP?

Today's Wonder Moment:

I was on the floor changing the lovely Miss M's diaper. It was quite an undertaking, require full HazMat Gear. Wonder Boy was perched, upside down, on the arm of the sofa. He decided to launch himself down...

... and landed, feet first, IN THE MESSY DIAPER.

There are 3 hours, 23 minutes left until his bedtime. Not that I'm counting.

Say What?

Our 6yo has an interesting view of life.

Today we were listening to our Fearless Leader's iPod. Foreigner's "Waiting for a Girl Like You" came on. For those who want to jump in the Way Back Machine for a moment, here ya go:

WAITING FOR A GIRL LIKE YOU (Foreigner)

So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long
Sometimes I don't know what I will find, I only know it's a matter of time
When you love someone, when you love someone
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too

Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I wanna be sure

I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life

You're so good, when we make love it's understood
It's more than a touch or a word can say
Only in dreams could it be this way
When you love someone, yeah, really love someone

Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly

I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life

I've been waiting, waiting for you, ooh, I've been waiting
I've been waiting
(I've been waiting for a girl like you, I've been waiting)
Won't you come into my life?

After a few minutes, the boy turned and said, "This song is about basketball, isn't it?"

Um... yeah.

What Is UP With People?

Last night, our Fearless Leader and I decided to take a walk. It was really nice to just walk and chat. So there we were... walking... chatting... and a car drove by...

...and the freak driving it THREW A HACKYSACK AT ME AND HIT ME!

Yeah, it was only my ankle, but still. Who throws stuff out of a car at pedestrians? Especially pedestrians on the OTHER side of the road, posing no obstacle? A woman pedestrian, at that?

WHAT is UP with that?

Must... Plan... Menus!

Good gravy, it's a wonder we ever eat. It's also a wonder I'm not a size 3. I have spent more time than you can imagine chasing after Wonder Boy.

We've toured the upstairs three times today. We've become well acquainted with the Time Out Wall. I learned that he does indeed understand a great deal more than we give him credit for. This was evidenced by the Bathroom Lock In. I know you must think that such events are strictly for the political protester... but I assure you, they are for toddlers as well. Apparently he does understand what that room is for, at least my nose tells me he does, but he seems to also think it's fine to run in there and lock the door. He also understands that when Mommy yells to unlock the door, she means "turn that lock right now, Mister."

All of that to say I really need to plan menus. Once again I looked up and realized it was 4:45pm and I had NOTHING going for dinner except lofty ideas. Lofty ideas make for binge eating after kids go to bed.

Tonight's fare will include Cottage Dill Bread, Baked Chicken, and Green Bean & Potato Smash. I actually got it all going in less than 20 minutes... but am now trying to entertain the End of the Day Baby and supervise outside play time. Whew! I need a snack. ;)

Swimming Suits + Shopping = Demoralizing

Do I really need to go on? Really?

I am eight months post partum. I am nursing. I am not one of those fabulously lucky women who nurse their babies and drop to 5 pounds below pre-preggo weight. Nope. I'm one of the busty gals whose body freaks out when it realizes it's still growing another person and packs on an extra 20 pounds for good luck. So I'm lumpy all over.

Cue summer.

I spent 2 hours today at Kohls trying on every single swimming suit I could find. I tried on the tankinis. I tried on the wrap around skirts. I tried on the one-piecers. I tried on the separates that you have to hunt down to find the right sizes for top and bottom. I looked in juniors. I looked in misses. I looked in plus sizes. I looked everywhere.

I will not describe to you what I saw. It's not a visual you should take to your grave... and I already will be taking it to mine. It was depressing. Cottage cheese looks slimmer than my backside. Jello is firmer than my bust.

A note to manufacturers: Come on, people! I have had four children! I don't need a housecoat, but I do need something that passes for swimwear. Those four children who have shared my insides want to swim free, darnit! I live in the desert - swimming is what we do.

So begins another week in which I will fret and wonder how I will cover myself decently, so as not to drive my children and their friends to therapy before their time. With any luck, I will find my pot of gold over the rainbow... then again, I'd just settle for a decent tankini in a nice, neutral color.

Estrogen Deprivation - It Gets Lonely

Being the sole producer of estrogen in a household can really take its toll on a woman.

Today on a favorite message board, the innocent question of how to burn a DVD was asked. Now, I'm not a computer savvy gal - this blog is about as techno-geek as I can get right now in my chronically sleep deprived state. But I saw this question and was immediately frightened of my internal monologue. It went something like this:

Q: How do I burn a DVD?

A: Um, douse it in lighter fluid and strike a match?

Memories of dumping salt on snails and lighting ants on fire with a magnifying glass came rushing back. Have I mentioned that I have no sisters? That may explain a lot.

I am afraid. Very afraid.

What Can I Say?

Again: No napping.

Again: Getting out of the pack n play.

Again: No loveys or binky.

Again: Found in older brother's room playing.

New: Woke up little sister, who is now napless and very cranky. This would be the sister who woke up at 5am this morning. The very same sister who is teething and desperately needs rest.

I give up.

Today's Wonder Moment

Today's Wonder Moment involves running.

Lots of running.

Lots of running at dusk.

Yes, Wonder Boy escaped again. Not from his bed, as you may have logically concluded after the last several posts. No... today's escapade was at my in-laws' house. He tricked my mother-in-law into believing that he was feeling compliant, so she let go of his hand as we were loading up into the van to come home.

I had to run down the street to catch him. He was four houses away by the time I snagged a shirt sleeve. Needless to say, I was not a happy mom. And he is now in bed without any loveys (for escaping at naptime) and without a binky (for the Daring Dusk Dodging).

It remains a great mystery whether or not he or I will survive his childhood.

No "Mom of the Year" Awards For Me

I blew it. More than usual.

The Set Up
Naptime is always a gamble these days. Wonder Boy displays awesome Feats of Wonder during naptime. You may recall the Ascension of The Great Bunk Bed last month. It's the one time of day that I put him down and try to keep him down since we both need a lot of rest by 12:30pm. Yesterday's nap was one of the most wonderful... in all the wrong ways.

I checked on him a couple of times because there didn't seem to be much resting going on. In fact, there was a lot of thumping around. But both times he was, indeed, in the playpen with his legs up in the air, kicking the wall. I chose to leave him be. Once the older boys were home from school, the oldest said he heard WB wandering about and would be happy to check on him. I said not to, thinking that if WB heard or spotted him, the gig would be up.

If only I had listened.

The Great Escape
I did finally go check on WB... and found him... in the oldest boy's room. He was next to a container filled with scrapbooking supplies; you know, things like stickers, scissors, a stylus... oh, yeah... really safe stuff for a toddler to play with unattended. When I walked into the room, WB looked at me and realized that he was, indeed, caught. So he proceeded to squeeze out big crocodile tears and give me a sob story about an owie as he pointed left and right in the room. Nevermind the fact that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was just fine because I had watched him playing in there for a full two minutes before he noticed me.

As if this weren't enough, the oldest showed me his Lego pirate boat had been disassembled during the The Great Escape. And his computer had been messed with. And his bedsheets strewn about. And something else had been done that escapes me just now (but didn't escape becoming an object of wonder for Wonder Boy).

To add insult to injury, this morning we discovered that the middle boy's things had also suffered similar demolition. His Pokemon cards had been strewn about the room. His rock collection was not just dumped on the floor, it was dissected with glee... even the card and box were ripped and unhinged. There was a pile of toys in the doorway to the closet that I'm sure weren't there before The Great Escape.

The Results
I am now the not so proud mother of an escaped con artist and two very unhappy older boys. If only I had listened.

Naptime today promises to be no better for his Puppy will not be sleeping with him. Wandering Wonder Boys don't get loveys, especially after destroying their brothers' things.