Losing One's Way

I got a little lost over the past few years, but now I'm back! It's time to start back on the chronicles of my adventures in motherhood and life. I've missed me.

Giving Thanks

Life is full of trials, hurt and anguish of all sorts. Despite those hurts, there is so very much to be thankful for.

Today I am thankful for gluten free/dairy free recipes that turned out so well. This was the best Thanksgiving meal I've had in at least three years!

My children are amazing people and I'm so thankful for the time I get with them.

My husband is my favorite person in the world. I am thankful for his dedication to our family and his devotion to me.

I am stunned that my church leaves the doors unlocked during the day, enabling anyone to walk in and spend a few precious moments with Jesus. I am thankful that my son babysat yesterday so I could run errands and drop by to bask in the Lord's presence for a few minutes.

I hope today has been special for you as well.

Oh, To Be Smarter Than The Technology!

All that effort to figure out how to post brilliant, witty blog messages and what happens? I forget how to send the dratted text.

This is a test of the mobile blog system

This is only a test.

A Few of My Favorite Things

My iPod. Read that: my fully charged, updated by my family (not me!), iPod.

Books.

Candles.

Kids giggling, even (or especially) when they're planning mischief.

Music.

Iced tea.

Smiles.

Flip flops. (You knew that had to be there.)

Shut UP!

Today's task: read through the Harmony manuscript as it stands thus far -- NO editing allowed. The Internal Editor needs to take a break and just sit quietly in the background. The story is nowhere near finished -- characters still need defining (some of them are elusive and haven't told me much about themselves), scenes still need to be written, some characters have to die (oh, you know how I love conflict - gulp!). It's just not ready for editing. But I haven't written a word since the end of November and I can honestly say that I can't remember what's happened so far.

So I started reading in earnest as my muffins were baking this morning. And that obnoxious voice piped up at the first typo. I shushed her.

At lunch I choked on my salad as I read an amusing bit. One character tried to figure out a mystery and ran off, but in the next paragraph was standing still and tying his hair back. The Editor started to say something about how ridiculous... and I told her to shut it.

Internal criticism is unproductive. It is not the same thing as thinking critically about a mystery or a challenge. Internal criticism just tears at the fabric of confidence. It's so hard to tune out the nagging, but tune it out I must.

Hey, Internal Know-it-all Editor: Shut up, already! Just let me read and write this in peace. You'll get your turn in a few weeks.

Procrastination is a Fancy Word for Fear

I just printed out 97 pages of a manuscript I started in November. The NaNoWriMo is a fun project to tackle. If you like writing, give it a whirl sometime. On October 31st at about 9pm, I decided that the NaNo was my shiny object for the month. (Shiny object = distraction, for those who never have any problem focusing.) The insane goal is to write 1,667 words per day, every day, during November. I ended up around 41,000 words (not too shabby for a working, homeschooling mom), but haven't written a single word on the project since November 30th. Why?

I have one word: fear.

Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that "there just isn't enough time for writing right now." Fear of conflict (in my everyday life, I despise conflict), which you simply must have for a good story. Fear that I'll just be interrupted. (Oh, that's not really a fear. It's a statement of fact. I can't even speak a full sentence without at least three interruptions.) So... I just put it off. There will be more time to write on Saturday. I'll get a couple hours in after the littles get put to bed. I'll get up early (go ahead... just laugh). There's always something in the way of writing.

No matter what excuse I throw out, though, the root of the problem is one I've long dealt with and have yet to master: I procrastinate because, while I have great intentions, I am afraid that everyone will find out that I am a complete flake and a fraud.

The carefree summer girl who has cute nail polish and snazzy flipflops is not afraid! Remember her? I've written about her before. Ms. Sharkbait, on the other hand, is afraid of all kinds of things. I'm all about the summer girl now. Time to tie the fear to the surfboard and send it out to sea. Time to get busy doing things instead of worrying about them.

All 97 pages are sitting right here next to me. Time to read them, let the story start percolating in my mind again. Time to let those characters finish telling me who they are so I can tell their story the right way. I procrastinated yesterday and said, "tomorrow...." Today is yesterday's tomorrow.

What are YOU going to do?